I am excited for the progress we are making in regard to increased awareness and education of Parental Alienation. I am encouraged that parents are sharing their personal stories about alienation, so others can learn. Today, I extend a huge thank-you to the volunteers throughout the world, who are out in their communities- not just today, but everyday! I also wish to give a huge shout-out of praise to the now adult daughters and sons who are speaking out about what the horror of the Parental Alienation journey was really like. Please...never stop teaching us! We hear you. They give all of us inspiration and hope. It takes tremendous courage to speak about such a painful experience. All of you are making such a difference!
When I was forced to live my nightmare- which began in the early 1980’s, we did not have a name for the alienation. We only knew the alienating parent was teaching the child to not only hate, but to participate in the game, by making false allegations. It can be incomprehensible that a person we created a human life with, is capable of such a despicable thing. Fortunately, we now have not only a name for this disturbing issue, but we can understand the signs/symptoms, stages and long term effects. Still today, I weep. I grieve for the lost holidays and the years, children and their parents, will never be able to recoup. Unfortunately, revengeful, manipulative parents with mental health issues continue to abuse their children with this ultimate hate crime. They live to teach their child to hate the other, targeted parent.- to literally strip their child of his or her maternal or paternal feelings and human rights. They relentlessly chip away at the very core of the child they claim to love. These alienators are child abusers who believe they are above the law. The day will come when they will learn they are wrong. It is important to remember the old saying…you can’t fix stupid. Or, as I always say…you cannot reason with a crazy person.
Alienation of a child from a parent- or half of their heritage, is not done by only parents. Former in-laws and other extended family members do it too. There is sometimes, no known basis or cause for their rage. Sometimes, people participate in the game, who do not even know the family well at all- such as neighbors. It often requires several people invested in the game, to instill the hatred and damage the child. The players “feed” off of each other to help the turmoil gain momentum and keep it alive. They repeatedly discuss the latest antics, alienation strategies and the targeted parent’s painful reaction…all in front of the child. Some children are forced by the abuser, to go into therapists and make false allegations- such as the targeted parent molested them. Children can be subjected to this abuse throughout their entire childhoods.
A child is not taught to hate only a parent. Grandparents or anyone/everyone on the entire maternal or paternal side of the child’s family can be targets. Grandparents are estranged from their grandchildren with little, if any, legal rights in many states.
People will be giving Parental Alienation the healthy focus it deserves today. Today is for the precious children - many of whom, have had their hearts crushed. Their God-given, gentle spirits have been hardened by an often psychotic, irrational parent who demands control. They have been manipulated and coerced. They are weapons- pawns in a sick game by disturbed individuals. Alienators are incapable of love and healthy relationships. The alienators know no boundaries to their hate and have no conscience. They are in their realm when they pass the hate onto their children….it feels good. Some have referred to it as a sort of “high" as they feel they are “winning.” They believe they are “feared.” Alienators believe the loss of the child and the child’s hatred will be the “pay back” the targeted parent deserves. For whatever twisted reason. As the child enters adulthood, the alienator “passes the baton”- so to speak, so the daughter or son can “carry on” the hate. This can be passed into the next generation and the next. There is nothing loving about this. It is not love- it is clearly child abuse. Sadly, in severe cases, many of these now adult children never quite return to the innocence, and gentle-spiritness that once dwelled in their souls. Yes, effects can be life long and permanent. They also may never return to the loving, nurturing parent they were taught to hate. In fact, they spend their entire adult lives spewing this hate and refusing counseling/therapy. Then, there are those who find their way back home from the insanity...
On Parental Alienation Awareness Day 2011, I ask you to take a vow. Promise that you will never, ever participate in the dynamics of alienation. This involves refusing to do the following: repeat gossip, create drama, openly taking sides, perpetuating the hate to escalate the anger of the alienator, making confrontative comments to the alienator like, “bring it on!” and speaking badly of the targeted parent- whether directly or indirectly, to the child. If you see or hear a parent alienating a child from his mom or dad, step up to the plate and call the alienator on it! Tell her or him their behavior is inappropriate and unacceptable and refuse to be involved. Learn everything you can about all types of alienation. Do not encourage the parental abduction of children. It takes a courageous person to stand up for a child…you can do it! Each person has a role and yours can be a positive or negative one. Choose to be part of the solution! Go to your State Capitol and talk to legislators and lawmakers. Give media interviews. Write an article for your local newspaper. Contact your local CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocate) program and insist volunteers have mandatory, on-going education in regard to recognizing Parental Alienation. Also, do not ever think this issue does not affect you or your community. Turning the other way or being silent only condones the child abuser’s actions. Lastly, you should not ever have to tolerate abuse from your adult daughter or son, just to have them in your life. Neither should your other family members be subjected to it.
I proudly celebrate the mother and child bond- the prenatal history that was formed in the womb! Release a balloon today for an abused child...or blow those bubbles! I have prayed today for each and every one of these abused children, and their safe return to their targeted, stable parent. Every kid has the right to a healthy, positive childhood that encompasses love, safety, growth, play and the involvement of both stable, fit parents. Please, help us make it happen.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parental_alienation
http://www.hostile-aggressive-parenting.com/what_is_Hostile_Aggressive_Parenting.asp
About Me
- Joy Henley
- I was a close friend and confidant of Juliette Gilbert. We shared many conversations. I have been a Social Worker for 30 years, I am an Author and an Educator of severe Parental Alienation. I am a former Commissioner on the Washington State Child Support Schedule Commission- an appointment by the Governor. I am a former Newspaper Reporter/Correspondent. I am honored to help prevent the parental abduction of children.
