If We Love Our Children From A Distance, How Do We Know They Feel Our Love?

In a day in which parents and children are sometimes forced to love one another from a distance, the non-custodial mother’s question was certainly a valid one. “If we love our children from a distance, how do we know they feel our love?” College educated, the former Primary Caretaker of the child is now living the horror of her child being placed with their abuser. She struggled for answers. The idea of loving her child from a distance was perplexing. She demanded confirmation that her daughter absolutely knows she loves her everyday of her life. In short, she said she does not believe loving from a distance works because we have no guarantee our child feels it.

Is it supposed to “work?” Isn’t loving our children- regardless of the abduction, unfair custody rulings, defaults, interference, false allegations, abuse, distance and years, supposed to come naturally? Our circumstances do not define us. Sure, they can limit and frustrate us. They can cause hatred to grow in our alienated children. Circumstances imposed by the courts, the other parent’s abusive actions and even our adult children, can crush our spirits and rip our hearts to shreds. Still, it does not mean love cannot remain intact in our hearts. We can still love, even if we are separated across the miles. We can still love even if we saw our newborn for a few mere minutes at birth. We can love our children with every fiber of our being in what feels like the most hopeless of circumstances. This is within our control.

It is when we stop loving that we have somehow become inhumane. When we become submissive to the courts, allowing these strangers to chip away at the core of our being and when we allow the infiltration and tainting of our hearts, we have lost a piece of ourselves. It is when we eventually give in to these restrictions that the courts will have successfully chipped away at the core of us. As mothers, fathers, extended family and as human beings, we deserve better. Our children especially deserve family who can love completely.

Do our children really “feel” our love? Some of the greatest things in this world are invisible to the naked eye. People feel the prayers of others…why wouldn’t they feel love from a distance? Sometimes loving in this manner is all we have left. I promise you too, that it is possible to cling to this thread of hope and derive strength from it for many years. In fact, for the rest of our lives, if necessary. Our love for our children may serve as a reason to get out of bed and face each day. It may be the first thing we feel of the morning and the last thing at night.

As humans, it is instinctive - in most of us, to naturally make the best of the worst of circumstances. No matter how we must love, the important thing is that we do it. To not analyze or question...to not be so suspicious that our hearts are more consumed with doubt, anger and revenge than providing pure, nurturing love to our children.

Do not make love difficult. Let it flow. It is so simple...it just requires opening our hearts. This is not as much about the child receiving love and “feeling” it, as it is about us as parents and loved ones, giving the love and having faith it will be felt. Should we really attempt to close down our hearts because we believe the child will not feel our love, anyway? It is important to remember that our love can only be boundless if we allow it to soar.

Do our children feel our love? Perhaps sometimes we are not supposed to know all of the answers. There are certainly no guarantees in this life. There is faith, though- especially faith that our children will feel our visible or invisible presence. That tonight, our child will wish upon the same star in the sky, as us. Or, that tomorrow, a particular song on the radio or picture in an album will remind our daughter or son of us. Instead of wondering if our children feel our love, perhaps it is time to stand firm in our belief that no person or circumstance on this earth, will cause us to doubt our love is not only felt, but reciprocated. If we wonder if our children feel our love, wouldn’t it make sense that our children wonder if we feel theirs?

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