Dear Juliette,
Today is the 4 year anniversary of your death.
So many lives have been impacted by your life and death. You certainly have taught us well. In a society that demands we never give up and that we keep fighting for our children, you gave us another slant. No loving, nurturing parent really “gives up” on their child. However, there may come a time when we are emotionally drained or a better term would be, that we are “emotionally bankrupt.” Sometimes the fight is too much. How many times I have told parents this...and it is because of you, dear friend.
In a typical week, people from many countries seek out your name on the Internet. They land right here! These people are from the U.S. the Philippines, Brazil, Russia, Canada, U.K. Australia, Venezuela, New Zealand, Turkey, Taiwan, South Africa, Japan, France, Germany, Pakistan and many other locations. They may be curious, seeking answers, fearful or frustrated with their own situations.
Shame on any Domestic Violence Counselor who judged you and did not believe you. I later learned from your friends and colleagues that you had asked for help much longer than a year and a half before you left the U.S. with your son. Shame on a court system that would not allow your son to send you a Mother's Day card. Shame on those who instructed you to jump through every legal hoop with the false hope or “dangled carrot” you would see your son again. 2 years and 2 months later, you were still waiting...in agony and grief. Why weren't you and your son allowed to see one another, in a supervised, monitored setting? I think of this often and how many people who were supposed to help, failed your son and you. Why didn't they take positive steps to incorporate you back into your son's life? He must have missed you so.
Because of you Juliette, we take notice. We educate more, love one another deeper and realize every person- regardless of who he or she is, has a “breaking point.” Sometimes, people can just be pushed too far. People now check their own behaviors to ensure they are not contributing in some way, to the alienation of a child. They are more aware if they are beginning to experience emotional exhaustion, depression and a host of other health related matters.
The one major thing I hope people remember about you- which I am sure they know now, is that you were not really the “Fugitive Mom.” You were simply a mom who loved her child. Who would risk her own freedom to protect him. Who acted after so many “professionals” let you down. The harsh, notoriety and spotlight were not you because you were too gentle, nurturing and loving. The public Juliette who was diced to bits was so different from the genuine mother who read her son bedtime stories and had hopes and dreams any mother would harbor.
After your death, I received a disturbing email. The “therapist” told me had I “taught” mothers to not build their whole lives around their children, perhaps your death would not have happened. First, I hope this “therapist” never counsels anyone in my family. Second, I hope she has learned that our pre-natal history, labor, delivery and maternal love is not something to be “taught”- it is Mother Nature at its finest. We cannot turn it off and on like a light switch. If we love our children with everything in us, how could we not build our world around them? None of us truly know what happened in your last few seconds of life Juliette, but God knew you lived and died loving your son. After all, He chose you to be this child's mother. He understood your pain and I have no doubt He embraced you.
Your life and death affected many people in positive ways. You have given us the finest education. In a world where people doubted and judged you, I believed you. We only wanted our children to be free from abuse. We certainly never aspired to be Super Heroes, Superstars or household names, did we? Being moms and being in the lives of our children was all we ever wanted.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Would You Know What To Do?
You are on a social networking site and a distraught person posts that she is about to commit suicide. What would you do?
When this recently occurred, I was astounded by the people who did not know what to do. People posted to one another asking if anyone knew the mother, her whereabouts or location, if it was a hoax, on-lookers wanted to know who was friends with the person, people kept checking her networking page and one person even suggested calling “the Embassy.” (since the person who begged for help for this woman was from outside the U.S.) A few people mentioned calling 9-1-1 but kept batting the idea back and forth- expecting the other person to do it. One person even erupted with…"what is wrong with you people?"
From 30 years of being in the Social Work profession and extensive Crisis Management education, I will share that any threat of suicide is to be taken seriously. Time is of the essence. Every second, literally counts. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
I was not on this woman’s “Friends List,” however, someone mentioned the city in which she resides. One posting asked if there is someone who could visit the mother-who resides in her city or near-by so she could have support and know someone cares. If she took a multitude of drugs- as stated, it is probable she would be transported to a medical facility where her stomach may need to be pumped and/or other medical care can be provided, she can be assessed and obtain counseling. While I was on the phone with the police in her city, it was a fast conversation. As I mentioned, time is critical and the clock is ticking. I held on the phone for awhile- as requested by police, and the police also called me back. They eventually located the woman and went to her home. She is going to be ok. The police were eventually “bombarded” with calls, as I was told.
In the aftermath, the mother’s friend who begged for help for her has since “apologized” to her for “over-reacting.” This is absurd. An apology was not owed and no one “over-reacted.” The response to be concerned and contact authorities was proper and appropriate. How could she post something saying she would be dead tomorrow and NOT expect people to do something? I would much rather be embarrassed or accused of “over-reacting” than to do nothing and risk a friend’s death. This, my friends, would be difficult to live with for the rest of my life.
The mother says she is “ok.” She is not ok. This was a plea for help and hopefully, a major wake-up call. I hope she gets the help she so desperately needs. I also hope she is thanking God for so many who care.
When this recently occurred, I was astounded by the people who did not know what to do. People posted to one another asking if anyone knew the mother, her whereabouts or location, if it was a hoax, on-lookers wanted to know who was friends with the person, people kept checking her networking page and one person even suggested calling “the Embassy.” (since the person who begged for help for this woman was from outside the U.S.) A few people mentioned calling 9-1-1 but kept batting the idea back and forth- expecting the other person to do it. One person even erupted with…"what is wrong with you people?"
From 30 years of being in the Social Work profession and extensive Crisis Management education, I will share that any threat of suicide is to be taken seriously. Time is of the essence. Every second, literally counts. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
I was not on this woman’s “Friends List,” however, someone mentioned the city in which she resides. One posting asked if there is someone who could visit the mother-who resides in her city or near-by so she could have support and know someone cares. If she took a multitude of drugs- as stated, it is probable she would be transported to a medical facility where her stomach may need to be pumped and/or other medical care can be provided, she can be assessed and obtain counseling. While I was on the phone with the police in her city, it was a fast conversation. As I mentioned, time is critical and the clock is ticking. I held on the phone for awhile- as requested by police, and the police also called me back. They eventually located the woman and went to her home. She is going to be ok. The police were eventually “bombarded” with calls, as I was told.
In the aftermath, the mother’s friend who begged for help for her has since “apologized” to her for “over-reacting.” This is absurd. An apology was not owed and no one “over-reacted.” The response to be concerned and contact authorities was proper and appropriate. How could she post something saying she would be dead tomorrow and NOT expect people to do something? I would much rather be embarrassed or accused of “over-reacting” than to do nothing and risk a friend’s death. This, my friends, would be difficult to live with for the rest of my life.
The mother says she is “ok.” She is not ok. This was a plea for help and hopefully, a major wake-up call. I hope she gets the help she so desperately needs. I also hope she is thanking God for so many who care.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Today is Parental Alienation Awareness Day
I am excited for the progress we are making in regard to increased awareness and education of Parental Alienation. I am encouraged that parents are sharing their personal stories about alienation, so others can learn. Today, I extend a huge thank-you to the volunteers throughout the world, who are out in their communities- not just today, but everyday! I also wish to give a huge shout-out of praise to the now adult daughters and sons who are speaking out about what the horror of the Parental Alienation journey was really like. Please...never stop teaching us! We hear you. They give all of us inspiration and hope. It takes tremendous courage to speak about such a painful experience. All of you are making such a difference!
When I was forced to live my nightmare- which began in the early 1980’s, we did not have a name for the alienation. We only knew the alienating parent was teaching the child to not only hate, but to participate in the game, by making false allegations. It can be incomprehensible that a person we created a human life with, is capable of such a despicable thing. Fortunately, we now have not only a name for this disturbing issue, but we can understand the signs/symptoms, stages and long term effects. Still today, I weep. I grieve for the lost holidays and the years, children and their parents, will never be able to recoup. Unfortunately, revengeful, manipulative parents with mental health issues continue to abuse their children with this ultimate hate crime. They live to teach their child to hate the other, targeted parent.- to literally strip their child of his or her maternal or paternal feelings and human rights. They relentlessly chip away at the very core of the child they claim to love. These alienators are child abusers who believe they are above the law. The day will come when they will learn they are wrong. It is important to remember the old saying…you can’t fix stupid. Or, as I always say…you cannot reason with a crazy person.
Alienation of a child from a parent- or half of their heritage, is not done by only parents. Former in-laws and other extended family members do it too. There is sometimes, no known basis or cause for their rage. Sometimes, people participate in the game, who do not even know the family well at all- such as neighbors. It often requires several people invested in the game, to instill the hatred and damage the child. The players “feed” off of each other to help the turmoil gain momentum and keep it alive. They repeatedly discuss the latest antics, alienation strategies and the targeted parent’s painful reaction…all in front of the child. Some children are forced by the abuser, to go into therapists and make false allegations- such as the targeted parent molested them. Children can be subjected to this abuse throughout their entire childhoods.
A child is not taught to hate only a parent. Grandparents or anyone/everyone on the entire maternal or paternal side of the child’s family can be targets. Grandparents are estranged from their grandchildren with little, if any, legal rights in many states.
People will be giving Parental Alienation the healthy focus it deserves today. Today is for the precious children - many of whom, have had their hearts crushed. Their God-given, gentle spirits have been hardened by an often psychotic, irrational parent who demands control. They have been manipulated and coerced. They are weapons- pawns in a sick game by disturbed individuals. Alienators are incapable of love and healthy relationships. The alienators know no boundaries to their hate and have no conscience. They are in their realm when they pass the hate onto their children….it feels good. Some have referred to it as a sort of “high" as they feel they are “winning.” They believe they are “feared.” Alienators believe the loss of the child and the child’s hatred will be the “pay back” the targeted parent deserves. For whatever twisted reason. As the child enters adulthood, the alienator “passes the baton”- so to speak, so the daughter or son can “carry on” the hate. This can be passed into the next generation and the next. There is nothing loving about this. It is not love- it is clearly child abuse. Sadly, in severe cases, many of these now adult children never quite return to the innocence, and gentle-spiritness that once dwelled in their souls. Yes, effects can be life long and permanent. They also may never return to the loving, nurturing parent they were taught to hate. In fact, they spend their entire adult lives spewing this hate and refusing counseling/therapy. Then, there are those who find their way back home from the insanity...
On Parental Alienation Awareness Day 2011, I ask you to take a vow. Promise that you will never, ever participate in the dynamics of alienation. This involves refusing to do the following: repeat gossip, create drama, openly taking sides, perpetuating the hate to escalate the anger of the alienator, making confrontative comments to the alienator like, “bring it on!” and speaking badly of the targeted parent- whether directly or indirectly, to the child. If you see or hear a parent alienating a child from his mom or dad, step up to the plate and call the alienator on it! Tell her or him their behavior is inappropriate and unacceptable and refuse to be involved. Learn everything you can about all types of alienation. Do not encourage the parental abduction of children. It takes a courageous person to stand up for a child…you can do it! Each person has a role and yours can be a positive or negative one. Choose to be part of the solution! Go to your State Capitol and talk to legislators and lawmakers. Give media interviews. Write an article for your local newspaper. Contact your local CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocate) program and insist volunteers have mandatory, on-going education in regard to recognizing Parental Alienation. Also, do not ever think this issue does not affect you or your community. Turning the other way or being silent only condones the child abuser’s actions. Lastly, you should not ever have to tolerate abuse from your adult daughter or son, just to have them in your life. Neither should your other family members be subjected to it.
I proudly celebrate the mother and child bond- the prenatal history that was formed in the womb! Release a balloon today for an abused child...or blow those bubbles! I have prayed today for each and every one of these abused children, and their safe return to their targeted, stable parent. Every kid has the right to a healthy, positive childhood that encompasses love, safety, growth, play and the involvement of both stable, fit parents. Please, help us make it happen.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parental_alienation
http://www.hostile-aggressive-parenting.com/what_is_Hostile_Aggressive_Parenting.asp
When I was forced to live my nightmare- which began in the early 1980’s, we did not have a name for the alienation. We only knew the alienating parent was teaching the child to not only hate, but to participate in the game, by making false allegations. It can be incomprehensible that a person we created a human life with, is capable of such a despicable thing. Fortunately, we now have not only a name for this disturbing issue, but we can understand the signs/symptoms, stages and long term effects. Still today, I weep. I grieve for the lost holidays and the years, children and their parents, will never be able to recoup. Unfortunately, revengeful, manipulative parents with mental health issues continue to abuse their children with this ultimate hate crime. They live to teach their child to hate the other, targeted parent.- to literally strip their child of his or her maternal or paternal feelings and human rights. They relentlessly chip away at the very core of the child they claim to love. These alienators are child abusers who believe they are above the law. The day will come when they will learn they are wrong. It is important to remember the old saying…you can’t fix stupid. Or, as I always say…you cannot reason with a crazy person.
Alienation of a child from a parent- or half of their heritage, is not done by only parents. Former in-laws and other extended family members do it too. There is sometimes, no known basis or cause for their rage. Sometimes, people participate in the game, who do not even know the family well at all- such as neighbors. It often requires several people invested in the game, to instill the hatred and damage the child. The players “feed” off of each other to help the turmoil gain momentum and keep it alive. They repeatedly discuss the latest antics, alienation strategies and the targeted parent’s painful reaction…all in front of the child. Some children are forced by the abuser, to go into therapists and make false allegations- such as the targeted parent molested them. Children can be subjected to this abuse throughout their entire childhoods.
A child is not taught to hate only a parent. Grandparents or anyone/everyone on the entire maternal or paternal side of the child’s family can be targets. Grandparents are estranged from their grandchildren with little, if any, legal rights in many states.
People will be giving Parental Alienation the healthy focus it deserves today. Today is for the precious children - many of whom, have had their hearts crushed. Their God-given, gentle spirits have been hardened by an often psychotic, irrational parent who demands control. They have been manipulated and coerced. They are weapons- pawns in a sick game by disturbed individuals. Alienators are incapable of love and healthy relationships. The alienators know no boundaries to their hate and have no conscience. They are in their realm when they pass the hate onto their children….it feels good. Some have referred to it as a sort of “high" as they feel they are “winning.” They believe they are “feared.” Alienators believe the loss of the child and the child’s hatred will be the “pay back” the targeted parent deserves. For whatever twisted reason. As the child enters adulthood, the alienator “passes the baton”- so to speak, so the daughter or son can “carry on” the hate. This can be passed into the next generation and the next. There is nothing loving about this. It is not love- it is clearly child abuse. Sadly, in severe cases, many of these now adult children never quite return to the innocence, and gentle-spiritness that once dwelled in their souls. Yes, effects can be life long and permanent. They also may never return to the loving, nurturing parent they were taught to hate. In fact, they spend their entire adult lives spewing this hate and refusing counseling/therapy. Then, there are those who find their way back home from the insanity...
On Parental Alienation Awareness Day 2011, I ask you to take a vow. Promise that you will never, ever participate in the dynamics of alienation. This involves refusing to do the following: repeat gossip, create drama, openly taking sides, perpetuating the hate to escalate the anger of the alienator, making confrontative comments to the alienator like, “bring it on!” and speaking badly of the targeted parent- whether directly or indirectly, to the child. If you see or hear a parent alienating a child from his mom or dad, step up to the plate and call the alienator on it! Tell her or him their behavior is inappropriate and unacceptable and refuse to be involved. Learn everything you can about all types of alienation. Do not encourage the parental abduction of children. It takes a courageous person to stand up for a child…you can do it! Each person has a role and yours can be a positive or negative one. Choose to be part of the solution! Go to your State Capitol and talk to legislators and lawmakers. Give media interviews. Write an article for your local newspaper. Contact your local CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocate) program and insist volunteers have mandatory, on-going education in regard to recognizing Parental Alienation. Also, do not ever think this issue does not affect you or your community. Turning the other way or being silent only condones the child abuser’s actions. Lastly, you should not ever have to tolerate abuse from your adult daughter or son, just to have them in your life. Neither should your other family members be subjected to it.
I proudly celebrate the mother and child bond- the prenatal history that was formed in the womb! Release a balloon today for an abused child...or blow those bubbles! I have prayed today for each and every one of these abused children, and their safe return to their targeted, stable parent. Every kid has the right to a healthy, positive childhood that encompasses love, safety, growth, play and the involvement of both stable, fit parents. Please, help us make it happen.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parental_alienation
http://www.hostile-aggressive-parenting.com/what_is_Hostile_Aggressive_Parenting.asp
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Maternal Deprivation
http://batteredmomslosecustody.wordpress.com/2009/02/24/maternal-deprivation-research/
Monday, April 11, 2011
Bubbles Help Eliminate Parental Alienation for Kids - April 25, 2011
http://www.wfaa.com/good-morning-texas/How-Bubbles-119599814.html
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Kids Aiding Parental Alienation Awareness Organization
http://kapaao.paawareness.org/content.asp?DocID=2&CatID=2
Monday, April 4, 2011
Bubbles Of Love Day DFW... Parental Alienation Awareness Day April 25, 2011
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SGnKUAaT9wg
Friday, March 18, 2011
If We Love Our Children From A Distance, How Do We Know They Feel Our Love?
In a day in which parents and children are sometimes forced to love one another from a distance, the non-custodial mother’s question was certainly a valid one. “If we love our children from a distance, how do we know they feel our love?” College educated, the former Primary Caretaker of the child is now living the horror of her child being placed with their abuser. She struggled for answers. The idea of loving her child from a distance was perplexing. She demanded confirmation that her daughter absolutely knows she loves her everyday of her life. In short, she said she does not believe loving from a distance works because we have no guarantee our child feels it.
Is it supposed to “work?” Isn’t loving our children- regardless of the abduction, unfair custody rulings, defaults, interference, false allegations, abuse, distance and years, supposed to come naturally? Our circumstances do not define us. Sure, they can limit and frustrate us. They can cause hatred to grow in our alienated children. Circumstances imposed by the courts, the other parent’s abusive actions and even our adult children, can crush our spirits and rip our hearts to shreds. Still, it does not mean love cannot remain intact in our hearts. We can still love, even if we are separated across the miles. We can still love even if we saw our newborn for a few mere minutes at birth. We can love our children with every fiber of our being in what feels like the most hopeless of circumstances. This is within our control.
It is when we stop loving that we have somehow become inhumane. When we become submissive to the courts, allowing these strangers to chip away at the core of our being and when we allow the infiltration and tainting of our hearts, we have lost a piece of ourselves. It is when we eventually give in to these restrictions that the courts will have successfully chipped away at the core of us. As mothers, fathers, extended family and as human beings, we deserve better. Our children especially deserve family who can love completely.
Do our children really “feel” our love? Some of the greatest things in this world are invisible to the naked eye. People feel the prayers of others…why wouldn’t they feel love from a distance? Sometimes loving in this manner is all we have left. I promise you too, that it is possible to cling to this thread of hope and derive strength from it for many years. In fact, for the rest of our lives, if necessary. Our love for our children may serve as a reason to get out of bed and face each day. It may be the first thing we feel of the morning and the last thing at night.
As humans, it is instinctive - in most of us, to naturally make the best of the worst of circumstances. No matter how we must love, the important thing is that we do it. To not analyze or question...to not be so suspicious that our hearts are more consumed with doubt, anger and revenge than providing pure, nurturing love to our children.
Do not make love difficult. Let it flow. It is so simple...it just requires opening our hearts. This is not as much about the child receiving love and “feeling” it, as it is about us as parents and loved ones, giving the love and having faith it will be felt. Should we really attempt to close down our hearts because we believe the child will not feel our love, anyway? It is important to remember that our love can only be boundless if we allow it to soar.
Do our children feel our love? Perhaps sometimes we are not supposed to know all of the answers. There are certainly no guarantees in this life. There is faith, though- especially faith that our children will feel our visible or invisible presence. That tonight, our child will wish upon the same star in the sky, as us. Or, that tomorrow, a particular song on the radio or picture in an album will remind our daughter or son of us. Instead of wondering if our children feel our love, perhaps it is time to stand firm in our belief that no person or circumstance on this earth, will cause us to doubt our love is not only felt, but reciprocated. If we wonder if our children feel our love, wouldn’t it make sense that our children wonder if we feel theirs?
.
Is it supposed to “work?” Isn’t loving our children- regardless of the abduction, unfair custody rulings, defaults, interference, false allegations, abuse, distance and years, supposed to come naturally? Our circumstances do not define us. Sure, they can limit and frustrate us. They can cause hatred to grow in our alienated children. Circumstances imposed by the courts, the other parent’s abusive actions and even our adult children, can crush our spirits and rip our hearts to shreds. Still, it does not mean love cannot remain intact in our hearts. We can still love, even if we are separated across the miles. We can still love even if we saw our newborn for a few mere minutes at birth. We can love our children with every fiber of our being in what feels like the most hopeless of circumstances. This is within our control.
It is when we stop loving that we have somehow become inhumane. When we become submissive to the courts, allowing these strangers to chip away at the core of our being and when we allow the infiltration and tainting of our hearts, we have lost a piece of ourselves. It is when we eventually give in to these restrictions that the courts will have successfully chipped away at the core of us. As mothers, fathers, extended family and as human beings, we deserve better. Our children especially deserve family who can love completely.
Do our children really “feel” our love? Some of the greatest things in this world are invisible to the naked eye. People feel the prayers of others…why wouldn’t they feel love from a distance? Sometimes loving in this manner is all we have left. I promise you too, that it is possible to cling to this thread of hope and derive strength from it for many years. In fact, for the rest of our lives, if necessary. Our love for our children may serve as a reason to get out of bed and face each day. It may be the first thing we feel of the morning and the last thing at night.
As humans, it is instinctive - in most of us, to naturally make the best of the worst of circumstances. No matter how we must love, the important thing is that we do it. To not analyze or question...to not be so suspicious that our hearts are more consumed with doubt, anger and revenge than providing pure, nurturing love to our children.
Do not make love difficult. Let it flow. It is so simple...it just requires opening our hearts. This is not as much about the child receiving love and “feeling” it, as it is about us as parents and loved ones, giving the love and having faith it will be felt. Should we really attempt to close down our hearts because we believe the child will not feel our love, anyway? It is important to remember that our love can only be boundless if we allow it to soar.
Do our children feel our love? Perhaps sometimes we are not supposed to know all of the answers. There are certainly no guarantees in this life. There is faith, though- especially faith that our children will feel our visible or invisible presence. That tonight, our child will wish upon the same star in the sky, as us. Or, that tomorrow, a particular song on the radio or picture in an album will remind our daughter or son of us. Instead of wondering if our children feel our love, perhaps it is time to stand firm in our belief that no person or circumstance on this earth, will cause us to doubt our love is not only felt, but reciprocated. If we wonder if our children feel our love, wouldn’t it make sense that our children wonder if we feel theirs?
.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
A Children's Protective Services insider reveals "secret rules" that Children's Protective Services must follow
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=arVPZHgTcmA
Friday, October 22, 2010
Is He An Abuser Or An Abuse Expert?
In the past, actor Alec Baldwin unleashed a volcanic tirade on his daughter and supposedly called her a “rotten little pig…rude, thoughtless, little pig.” In the telephone rage, he told her she did not have the brains or decency as a human being and that her mother is a thoughtless pain in the ass. He used continuous profanity at his daughter who was 11 years old at the time. He then threatened her by yelling he was coming to see her and would “straighten your ass out when I see you.” His tone was dangerous and out of control.
This is the same man who is being hailed by some, as a Parental Alienation expert, of sorts. When people want to bring in the “big guns” they bring in Baldwin. They name drop as if association with him increases their popularity and listening audience, and it makes them more qualified and believed. In short, it is as if they somehow feel his name gives them more credibility.
A friend and I recently chatted about how a parent who abuses their child in this way, turns it all around. How does one go from abusing their child to receiving praise, acceptance and being an “expert?” Do you ever wonder how one abuser is seen as scum of the earth for their abuse and another is seen as an authority? For example, it is interesting to ponder why Baldwin is successful in “turning it around” but Mel Gibson fails. After all, Gibson has abuse allegations and other complicated issues in his life, as well. When we think about it, Gibson is a mega-star and to some, a more popular public figure than Baldwin. I don’t know about Gibson, but Baldwin’s approach was probably not “orchestrated”- that’s too strong of a word, but there was probably some degree of planning.
It starts with a huge apology. Baldwin got caught and nothing he can ever say will change this fact. Who knows if or how many other attacks have occurred like this upon his daughter. Who knows what the ex-wife has done in the past – or if she did something to provoke this incident. Because the other parent may have done something harmful, does not make child abuse acceptable. Baldwin was doomed so there was only one thing he really could do….apologize. He did it from the heart….of course, he’s an actor! Next, he learned (or experienced) enough about Parental Alienation to write a book, and became involved with the cause. He faced the world, did some public appearances and released his book. He became a crusader and people felt sorry for him because they identified with his plight.
People continuously make excuses for his behavior- as if he is not an adult. They reason that his anger was really at the ex-wife so the child “got in the way of that.” They blow it off and say he used poor judgment- after all, we all get angry. They say the courts made him do it which results in playing a huge sympathy card. They say it has been “taken out of context.” They even go so far as to call his antics “discipline.” They blame the child- it’s her fault. They consider the child’s age at the time and reflect upon how they themselves, talk to their teenager. After all, an 11 year old is “almost” a teenager and that is a turbulent time. Let’s get real…how relevant is age when we’re talking abuse? Since the eruption, Baldwin appears invested, dedicated and concerned. He seems humbled. The passing of time has helped. Oh, and it also helps to be a celebrity.
Most parents will tell you that in all of their parenting years- and even after the separation or divorce, it never occurred to them to call their child such degrading names. Let alone, act on it. There is usually a line of human decency. It may be invisible but instinctively, we are aware of its marker. If we have any conscience whatsoever, living with the fact we said such vulgar things to a daughter or son would be tough. The best designer suit, the most suave appearance, and the celebrity status will not really change who we are in our hearts and as human beings. Emmy award winners are not exempt from committing child abuse. Baldwin can practically undo his despicable behavior. Almost. Unfortunately, there is one thing that cannot be erased and that is the echo of his damaging words in his daughter’s memory.
We are going to make mistakes. There are no perfect parents, whether it is Baldwin, a therapist with a Ph.D or you and me. Still, we do not have a green light to abuse, even when there is unfairness in the courts, intense frustration and the ex provokes us. No matter how hard we may try to shift the focus from ourselves to the courts and how unfair we have been treated, we own our behavior. No one else is responsible or to blame for it.
We are either against child abuse or for it. One cannot partially abuse. There is no gray area or in-between, in the crime of child abuse. Effective, proper parenting requires adults to act like, and be, adults. Abuse is not discipline, any more than it is love…not by any stretch of the imagination. Call an abuser, an abuser. If we cannot do this, perhaps we are not fully, completely, protecting our children with every fiber of our being.
This is the same man who is being hailed by some, as a Parental Alienation expert, of sorts. When people want to bring in the “big guns” they bring in Baldwin. They name drop as if association with him increases their popularity and listening audience, and it makes them more qualified and believed. In short, it is as if they somehow feel his name gives them more credibility.
A friend and I recently chatted about how a parent who abuses their child in this way, turns it all around. How does one go from abusing their child to receiving praise, acceptance and being an “expert?” Do you ever wonder how one abuser is seen as scum of the earth for their abuse and another is seen as an authority? For example, it is interesting to ponder why Baldwin is successful in “turning it around” but Mel Gibson fails. After all, Gibson has abuse allegations and other complicated issues in his life, as well. When we think about it, Gibson is a mega-star and to some, a more popular public figure than Baldwin. I don’t know about Gibson, but Baldwin’s approach was probably not “orchestrated”- that’s too strong of a word, but there was probably some degree of planning.
It starts with a huge apology. Baldwin got caught and nothing he can ever say will change this fact. Who knows if or how many other attacks have occurred like this upon his daughter. Who knows what the ex-wife has done in the past – or if she did something to provoke this incident. Because the other parent may have done something harmful, does not make child abuse acceptable. Baldwin was doomed so there was only one thing he really could do….apologize. He did it from the heart….of course, he’s an actor! Next, he learned (or experienced) enough about Parental Alienation to write a book, and became involved with the cause. He faced the world, did some public appearances and released his book. He became a crusader and people felt sorry for him because they identified with his plight.
People continuously make excuses for his behavior- as if he is not an adult. They reason that his anger was really at the ex-wife so the child “got in the way of that.” They blow it off and say he used poor judgment- after all, we all get angry. They say the courts made him do it which results in playing a huge sympathy card. They say it has been “taken out of context.” They even go so far as to call his antics “discipline.” They blame the child- it’s her fault. They consider the child’s age at the time and reflect upon how they themselves, talk to their teenager. After all, an 11 year old is “almost” a teenager and that is a turbulent time. Let’s get real…how relevant is age when we’re talking abuse? Since the eruption, Baldwin appears invested, dedicated and concerned. He seems humbled. The passing of time has helped. Oh, and it also helps to be a celebrity.
Most parents will tell you that in all of their parenting years- and even after the separation or divorce, it never occurred to them to call their child such degrading names. Let alone, act on it. There is usually a line of human decency. It may be invisible but instinctively, we are aware of its marker. If we have any conscience whatsoever, living with the fact we said such vulgar things to a daughter or son would be tough. The best designer suit, the most suave appearance, and the celebrity status will not really change who we are in our hearts and as human beings. Emmy award winners are not exempt from committing child abuse. Baldwin can practically undo his despicable behavior. Almost. Unfortunately, there is one thing that cannot be erased and that is the echo of his damaging words in his daughter’s memory.
We are going to make mistakes. There are no perfect parents, whether it is Baldwin, a therapist with a Ph.D or you and me. Still, we do not have a green light to abuse, even when there is unfairness in the courts, intense frustration and the ex provokes us. No matter how hard we may try to shift the focus from ourselves to the courts and how unfair we have been treated, we own our behavior. No one else is responsible or to blame for it.
We are either against child abuse or for it. One cannot partially abuse. There is no gray area or in-between, in the crime of child abuse. Effective, proper parenting requires adults to act like, and be, adults. Abuse is not discipline, any more than it is love…not by any stretch of the imagination. Call an abuser, an abuser. If we cannot do this, perhaps we are not fully, completely, protecting our children with every fiber of our being.
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